MOTiVATOR.

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and have just sat with yourself and pondered where all the glee-ful happiness went? Where the self-confidence and smiles went? Where the independent nature flittered to? Maybe you haven’t. In that case, kudos! But if you have, its a simple, gray-colored cloud that seems to drift overhead. Its a moment of murky wonderment in where you have been in your life and where your life is going. It may be filled with disappointment, or it may shoot a strike of light through your sluggish little gray cloud.

I’ve been feeling like this for awhile. I always want to start a new motivation and to kick everything into gear but then I get overwhelmed with the mere thought of this task and it wears me out. My main gray clouds are:

  • 30 lb weight gain in 2 years. In 2006 I had an epiphany (the kind I’m having right now, but more filled with actionable items) when I saw a picture of myself and was ashamed at the way I looked. I was 200 lbs and I’m 5’8″. So, I exercised every day for at least 1 hour and I cut back slightly on food but still ate things that I shouldn’t have and in 2 months, I lost 10 lbs. At 190, I couldn’t get the 20-25 lbs off of me that still lingered there (because of my poor eating habits) and so I joined a tanning salon and Jenny Craig. I was single and living by myself in the outskirts of NW Indiana and so I had a lot of “me” time. I had a schedule during the week, pre and post work, that had me going to the gym every day, followed by the tanning bed and weekly Jenny Craig appointments. On the weekends, I saw my friends and went out and only stuck to bacardi and diet coke as much drink of choice (although I should not have been drinking at all…well, what are you going to do when you 23 years old and supposed to be having the time of your life??). By that August (5 months after I originally began my weight loss campaign) I was down to 170 (5 lbs from my 165 goal weight) and feeling FANTASTIC. I remember being so confident. I remember being happy. I remember making different life choices.
  • Finances. Bills suck and we all have them. When do we channel our inner Suze Orman to turn our finances around and get on track? When does that opportunity occur? I’m still looking for it, and have a sickening feeling that I’m only at the beginning of my journey at the age of 27.

So, whats going to make me happy? Whats going to turn my life around so I can at least discover that happiness? I think its a mixture of attitude change sprinkled with a little motivation.

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